A think today I'll post on something different than what I normally do. It'll be an update of sorts, ya know. Because you all just hang off my words, I know.
Where to start...
School is going. Not well not horrible, it's going. I have to get a tutor for my physics classes because they are just too hard and that's a little dissapointing because I like knowing I can do things on my own but I can't do this. I need help and so I need a tutor.
Hopefully he can explain all this stuff to me and help me understand it all.
The teacher is pretty cool but he's just kind of useless in the explaining department. He likes to give hints rather than actually sit down and explain stuff to you which is the most UNhelpful thing he can do. I don't do good with hints. They fly over my head. I'd much rather you just tell me upfront what you're trying to say.
But I've learned to just not go to him for help anymore.
French is a breeze which is the only good thing right now I suppose. I'm much more fluent than I expected to be and it actually makes me rather happy knowing that I'm well on my way to being able to talk with my family in France. I will truly be happy when I can jump on the phone and talk to my grandmother who I haven't seen in nearly... nine years now? No, probably about six. I try to talk to her now and it's just hard and awkward and I know she'd really love ti if I could speak fluently with her.
So I'm rather pleased that I am getting there.
Calculus III isn't hard either, I'm just not applying myself like I need to. Which is bad on my part. I have a B right now which is okay but I know I can get an A so from here on out I really need to work a bit harder at it. It won't take much, just a little bit more effort.
The housing department is coming along. I'm not staying in this apartment again next year so me and a few friends of mine were looking for a new place to stay. I found a place I absolutely adore and it's well within my budget but I don't know if it is in theirs. It would depend on the utilities bill. I'm really hoping that they can do it because the place is beautiful and safe and I'm allowed a pet. My mom said she would get me a cat and I am so very much looking forward to that.
It's lonely when you don't have anything else living with you. A little life will be so incredibly helpful for me right now, I just know it.
So I'm working on getting all that settled. I have awhile still as this lease doesn't end until like... August first or something, and I wouldn't be moving in until the end of August anyways, so I have time. I just have to continue talking with my friends.
So that's school and apartment.
I'd go on to love like here but there isn't one. A guy I started getting interested in turned out to be a total jackass. So I guess I'm just going to stop trying for now. Everyone says that you'll find it when you least expect it so I'm just going to stop trying. It isn't worth all the struggle honestly.
I guess this would lead on to family.
It's pretty well on the family side. I'm homesick, I won't lie, but I'm dealing. I get to go home this weekend which is a nice change. It'll be hard though, I know it will because mom sold the house and closed on it so everything is all wrapped up now. I can't go back there so I'm going to be staying with my dad from here on out when I go home which will be strange. I'm going to still go by the house because I want to see my grandmother but it'll be hard.
I'm sure I'll cry.
But Saturday I get to go with my brother, his GF and friends to Megacon so I'm really looking forward to that. He said he's going to buy my ticket in so that's really cool. I think he's been worried about me because he calls a lot more than he used to and he always wants to see me now. It's a nice feeling even though I don't want him to worry. It's nice knowing he's there for me.
I'm hoping some of my other friends will go to Megacon too but I don't know if they'll be working or not this weekend. I don't get to go to all the conventions in town now since I've moved away and this one is my favorite one of all of them so it usually ends up being a reunion of sorts. I go with my good friend, see all my old friends, reconnect and buy lots of silly geeky fun stuff.
Oh yes, I'm very much looking forward to it.
I'd take pictures but I don't like carrying idle objects and the showroom is always so crowded that I hate stopping. When I go I'm like a rat on a mission. I don't stop unless I get to the stand I want then I'm off moving again. Much fun, indeed.
I'm really looking forward to the dime comics. A lot of dealers want to just get rid of their products come Sunday and they toss out their stuff for super cheap just to get rid of it. It's a lot of fun because I found a whole bunch of random steampunk comics and stuff that aren't well heard of but are pretty cool nonetheless. And half the time I look at it for the art over the story. Improving on my skills and all that.
I've deviated though from family... where was I.
Oh, yes living with Dad. It'll be strange, I know it will but it'll be nice too. I miss him. A lot. He came up a few weeks previous and spent Saturday with me which was nice. I don't get to see him often enough.
Then in about three weeks, on March 7th I'll be flying up to see my mom who I haven't seen in near a month now. I've never gone that long before without seeing her so it's been really tough but I'll be better once Spring Break comes.
I get to fly up and stay with her from Saturday to Wednesday then I'm flying back to spend the rest of my break in Orlando. It's... crazy for me to think that I'm now going to be pulled in a bunch of directions on all my breaks but I'll just have to organize it all. Summer is going to be hard but I think I'll end up moving in with my mom for the majority of it, finding a job there then jumping back to Orlando to visit for a few days at a time.
It's the most convenient because I need to get a job and if I got it here I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. And then when I'm in Tennessee I can go and visit my friends in Ohio if they'd let me so that is an exciting idea. I'm not sure though if it'll work out though, so it's still in the rough draft stage.
This sounds like a good place to move into friends then, yeah?
Good segway is good.
Uhm, the friends department has probably been the most... emotional of all of them. If only because everything feels so uncertain for me. What I mean is that I know my family is always going to be there. I am reassured of that and I have no misgivings on that so even though it's hard being so far away from all of my family I know that I can still always go visit them as if no time has passed at all.
My friends aren't so concrete. Some are, some are very very stable and they are my godsends. But then at the same time so many of them are constantly influx. I feel like a child again with how emotional all this gets. I wish so often that i could just get along with them all all the time but I cause too many problems and screw things up so often that everything is thrown off balance the everything teeters.
I'm scared I'm going to lose them but I don't think there's much about myself that I can change that will make everyone happy. Because it is impossible for everyone to be happy at the same time. It's as if the universe won't ever allow it. Good with bad, as they say. So I just try to keep everything as good as I can while I can. Because problems keep coming up and it hurts knowing that people are drifting away from me more and more.
I hold on too tight, though. I know I do.
And I guess people are tired of it now and are done with me. I'm learning who I can cling to and who I can only talk to. I'm learning who is there for me when they say it and who say it without actually meaning it. Those hurt. Realizing that when they say they are there for you but turn around and put their backs to you when you need them most. It's something I hate having to accept but sometimes trying to fix things with people just makes them want to leave faster.
They don't want to be good friends with me so they don't let things get fixed.
-deep breath-
I can only do my best which is just what I'm going to keep doing. I still treasure everyone and hold everyone dear to my heart and I know that won't ever change. I just have to continue on with this.
That's, unfortunately, the majority of my friends department. Everything is very solemn and I hate to admit that but it is true. I'm just dealing with everything slowly but surely and hoping that the fates will help me out a little.
Everyone needs help after all.
I think all that's left to talk about now is my health. It's been pretty up and down as of late, colds, stress and emotional fatigue not helping things at all. I don't sleep well, which is a problem so I'm going to have to try and find something to fix that. I have teas which will be my first course then if that doesn't work I'll try other methods. All natural of course. I don't do well with medications.
Headaches still come and go more than I'd like but I think the majority of them are all stress related. Which isn't good because then Tylenol or Advil don't help. I haven't actually found any form of common medication that has ever helped my headaches. Which is strange for me because I don't ever take it so it seems as though it should be very very helpful since I haven't exactly built up an immunity to it or anything. It just... doesn't ever help.
So I've given up on it mostly and just use it now if I absolutely can't stand the pain. This usually happens when my vision starts getting messy or my hearing gets way to acute. I wonder sometimes if I get migraines and just have built up a pain tolerance or something from never taking medicine for my headaches but them I'm always told that if I get a migraine I'd know. Plain and simple.
So I don't really know. I'm strange and I can't figure myself out.
I'm otherwise pretty okay in the health department. I eat pretty well, which I'm proud about but I don't take enough vitamins like I should. I'll need to go find some good ones for me. I'm still chubby but working on that too. Yoga-Pilates kicks my butt every time though so it's a slow going race for me. Just gotta keep at it.
I think that's all though. I've gotten to all the bases which is probably why I don't have anything else to say. This has been an absurdly long post, probably longer than it should have been but I think it would have happened in real life regardless, if someone asked me how my life has been. I just kinda needed to spill some.
-Temp
Feeling: 
tired
